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my inner hulk
About a month ago during class we were assigned to give a self portrait presentation. Now normally I would choose to create something with my hands and let the art speak for itself, but I wanted to do something that stretched me to present myself in a different way than I always have. So! I created a video full of people, moments, sounds, and experiences that made me feel alive!
*if the video won’t load: I posted a comment with the link! its short & sweet at 2:30 min(:
As I was figuring out what I was going to say after I showed the video, I heard the phrase “brink of exhilaration.” I thought on it for a second and then realized— all of the different parts of my videos were moments that made me feel like I was on the cusp of something greater. Times in my life that make me feel like I’m on the part of a roller coaster where you’re at the very top about to go down and you’re screaming and laughing and maybe even crying- but you’re still having the best time.
Moments where I feel like my inner hulk is about to come out.
I say hulk as though it’s not a bad thing, but it’s just my inner fighter. And I’m terrified of her!!
I’m terrified because it feels like I won’t know what’s gonna come out of me. People will look at me. People ask questions. It feels like I’m not strong enough to handle how strong I am. (This makes sense in my head.) It feels like I’m incapable of actually discerning when and how the hulk should come out. It feels unpredictable.
BUT! What I’m learning is that there’s a lot of power the Lord has gifted me with that I’ve just stuffed deep down inside of me.
I know that I have a powerful voice, and I’ve never let anyone hear the extent of it until I helped lead worship for my class this past week. I know that I fight for people really well, and I’ve never fought for anyone as hard as I have until this past week. I know that I’m actually good with words and sharing, and that a lot of the times I choose to not do so.
The Lord has been really kind in showing me these parts of myself on a much deeper level than I’ve ever been open to. He’s showing me ways to share and let my community around me in on it! He’s actually letting me enjoy opening up my inner hulk— which I never thought would be possible.
This season in short has shown me my gifts.
I don’t share all of this to say that I’ve discovered deeper parts of myself and that’s all. I’ve failed a lot this semester… a lotttt. yet this is the place the Lord chose for me to do so, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Here’s to my inner hulk, and to learning what it looks like to let her out!!
Please reach out if you’d like to hear more about what this semester has been like! I would be more than happy to set up a call or to text you about it!!